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Princess Tears, Volume One

by Hedra Rowan

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1.
GIRL: Bicycle, divy bike, red car. White car, grey car. Grey car. Greyer car. Red car white car. I don’t know what that is. Beige ? That’s a horrible car. Horrible color. It's got a good color. That car, that car car, black car . Uh, black car, black car, sorry, blue car, white car, car, Silver car. Orange car, black car, silver car, Green track fish truck, gray car. Dark gray car, car Car. Oh, my God, two seafood trucks passing each other. Lobster, fish, seafood, and gourmet. Everything's different. Now, red is about to start the car. You couldn't be the same. You have No different direction. Silver car Colorado state. Okay. Car Left too many cars, Washed it out, left on Washington. Everything changed after the two shrimp carts past each other, things are different. Everyone's gotten quite a bit younger since that happened. Cars had been replaced with people Sort of walking in the same direction with some pressers . Give me Martez. I got some groceries. There's a fire engine. The post office card that appears to be blocking the fire engine. I hope There's another fire has this brake brake brake brake brake brake, brake brake, silver car red brick. Great. Great. Great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great Mark Key. Ani Ani green on, in green, on it. Red on brick brick, stone cafe. No stone Break, uh, whatever they built modular classrooms. How does this part of the building and then break California. Great car stone, brick, California, Little cheese, Royal pine air freshener, underground metal brick red car, great car. Metal door. Great car. Nice wood. Great stone brick tree , black car, 94 bus. Battery that roadside assistance Furniture, mannequin full size Descartes blue car Crossing the street. Silvercar red car, Community garden, named Moyle. Taking a security distress, sir, sir. Circuitous route Metra truck. Sorry, maybe I think of gas, gray, gray truck. Pumpkin neon side, black car base, car truck, white blue, gray, gray car, silver car Stone brick. Black rope, Silvercar wood. So great stone brick backyard. Great, great Car black car red car. We met silver car, the law offices of Michael aide Perez, stone. Great wood, great car. It's my car. Brick brick Brick brick, brick, brick. Great bakery , several tables, marble wood metal, marble metal, gray car. Metal awning closed on a four Year black car. We're good car, great car, $65. You know, metal pipes, wires, brick stone , pink car. Stone brick stone, black card, black card stone, gray car backpack. blue car crossing the street battle. Okay. Brick, brick, stone, stone awning . Greg Carr alley, but great. So stone on it. Bright yellow car. Silver car. Great car red car, Car, car, white car metal. Great black car, a deep red car, deeper blue car, silver car neon sign, open three car. uh, great. Great stone stone brick, great modular classroom. Great car. A darker. metal black car. Ki metal key wooden door. cat house. Cat cat, cat home bags. And. White Car Red car red car White car parking sign puddle locket pink locket humming pink locket what is this? pink buzzing locket with shining light on it wonder what happens if i open it ?
2.
Princesses We, who play at the same speeds as the ones fashioned before us, Who walk through doors and become them, Who sweep through halls assuming their same shadows, And burst with the same magic from our fingertips , We, offer you the burden of our great sorrow Humbly guarded here for generations 3 Or four, and by whose weight we have anchored our people The compounded longings, melancholies, blights, and drooping crests, Chiseled by years of enduring insupportable acts from every odd angle, Hardened to one great callus And expanded by the corresponding briny tears Composes our moon, lighting the way for hand holders during the dark hours The same sphere, during the day, is our sun, For what are the moon and the sun but the same creature in a different light ? That incandescent pink ball, the sorceress of our weather, perched in our sky, we call Misery And she is the mother of us all Without her we would surely whither and meet grim death. She is now unwell, poised to become so grim within that the bonds grown centuries ago may break. We are but new borns not yet weaned from the Misery’s tit and her milk grows stale But to you we must seem giant beings, ancient in concept, and profound beyond belief Why visit you with such grand ideas, notions, and perils ? Why invest in one such as you the great power of Misery to aid in her restoration or at least maintenance ? Why have we, as you put “chosen” you for this great honor ? You must think you have some outstanding quality that makes you valuable to us ? Something special that attracts our attention and need, Some prophesied fate as our savior ? Please, do not entertain such notions. We did not chose you, you were simply here. You see, our situation is dire. We would beg assistance of any stranger and in fact, we do You are neither first nor last of our solicitations Most refuse, but most are unable to conceive of the maintenance of suffering as a worthy task But such work does a princess make So before you make hasty exit, which we tally as a negative response, Please consider what grandeur you may be immersed in if you stay and help Girl Um that sounds great, but I’m too like obsessed with my own sadness to like take on anybody else’s. Plunging into other people’s sadness would not be good for me. Princesses All misery comes from the same moon. Which is also a sun. Add your gloom to ours and find strength in commiseration. GIRL Uhh.. I’m not really sure about this. If I spend too much time around people who are really sad, then I start to take on the sadness and then it makes me a worse person to be around. I’m just one of those people who like soaks up everybody else’s feelings and it gets really hard you know? Princesses That’s not a real type of person. You have to deal with all of it. Girl Um, okay. So, what do I have to do for this to be real ? Princesses Every princess is a journeyer of circadian character They make pilgrimage each day to one of several Pools of Lugubriousness, despondent ponds and weep until they have fulfilled the secular covenant between moon and mortal Girl How many tears does it take ? Princesses the stability of our harsh mistress’s orbit depends on quality more than quantity and thus on time more than tears counted all that’s asked of a princess is that they whimper salty odes for 400 minutes diurnally Girl That seems like a really long time to do literally anything But this seems durational, or something. Princesses You are participating in the salvation of your species. Of course it is durational. Girl Oh, okay. Princesses You will need to commit to princess tears You must cultivate adequate ducts for draining precious flowage And keep strictly to a high sodium diet for tear potency The more fully you give your grief to our collection, the more brightly our moon Misery can shine, and when she is our sun she may also shine, feeding and keeping alive our great planet and its inhabitants. And so it has always been. The well adjusted are too blinded by plumage to appreciate what keeps them alive and for just how long this has been so as long as we have known. Girl I don’t want to do this just because it’s like redemptive or something. Princesses You will not be redeemed in any way from this venture. In fact, you may find yourself a more devout observer of the Great Wallow. As your contemporaries might evaluate our proposal, we see no benefit to you But you seem… interested. Girl It does seem like something I would do I though? Princesses The realist in us feels obliged to mention this commitment could easily derail any attempt at maintaining a healthy routine with respect to other obligations, necessities or desires Do you understand that 400 minutes is roughly 7 hours? Girl Easy. I feel like I would excel in this position. Princesses Time passes. Our sun Misery hits the gnomen at later angles yet You must begin post-haste or fear losing daylight Girl Where am I going Princesses Fortunately, we have many Pools of Lugubriousness conveniently located throughout your neighborhood. None travel far to fill up her jar, we say. We are locating the closest pool now It appears there is a location close by the way at the intersection of N Francisco Avenue and Thomas St, in Parking Lot 9 of what was once the Norwegian American Hospital There you will find a puddle Look closely for the right one, but once you have it, let flow your tears for 400 minutes so that they may add themselves to the pool. Princesses 
Oh, there is one more thing. Girl Um… okay what is it ? Princesses 
You must change… into your princess form. Girl My princess form—
3.
TEAR APPRECIATION MESSAGE.... BLOOM!!!!
4.
GIRL Holy shit I’m like covered in new stuff, what is all this— PRINCESSES You must hurry, daylight fades. Run to your puddle. (Walks part of the way, music gets somber starts coming in) GIRL 
What is this place ? PRINCESSES This was once part of a parking lot. To many it still is. Tears have beaten this gravel and made such a crater. GIRL A puddle. PRINCESSES Yes. You can hear other princesses crying. You must join in their weeping. You can see them now too, invisible to others but always there. Have you ever seen rain fall into a puddle ? Where from did you think that rain came? GIRL The sky ? The water system or table or whatever PRINCESSES Ha! What fools you mortals are. You probably do not even know what these tears do once collected ! GIRL Oh yeah I was gonna ask that. PRINCESSES 
Have you heard of the ocean, princess? (intense weeping) GIRL I hear echoes from a surface, and let myself rise to the top. My head has penetrated the skin of the ocean, and now breathes only sky, though my depths still tread. My voice, once human, now sounds in Princess, and I hear words boom across the water. THE VOICE OF MISERY’S REFLECTION ON THE WATER I am the voice of the moon reflected on the top of the water. When my speech is bounced off the right section of the ocean, it translates it into your language. You must speak the ancient language of this part of the ocean, or have been bestowed with princess powers. How did you arrive here? I know not from where you came. Only that you are here. Most likely, you have become overwhelmed with the flood of tears during the daily offering. This happens to many beginners, and you look like you have just begun. If concentration is broken during observance of the great wallow, you may easily be betrayed by your own senses and fall victim to the deluge. You have ended up here, the ocean. GIRL I realize that I am not alone in the ocean, there are countless treading princesses in the water was far as my little eyes can see through the fog. The moon is not speaking directly to me but to everyone who may hear the vibrations of Misery’s voice pierce the sea. MISERY You feel stranded. At once rapt in a grand adventure, and unable to decipher your part in it. You’re silly little beans in a wet stew. I may light you home, as shuttles depart every 7 or so minutes during rush hour. Do not dally, lest you rest poorly and end back here tomorrow. Now, clap eyes on this hulk. GIRL I don’t know what kind of animal it is but its suddenly there. Gigantic, scarred thing. All I can make out is a huge fin. I see a line of princesses maybe a hundred long, each grabbing on to parts of the fin, so I do the same. I fall asleep curled around a barnacle. When I wake we are near the shore, faintly discernible in the moonlight. Right before my eyes the animal I have hitched onto evolves into a land dweller, its fins growing to become legs and it trots out of the water to deposit us on the beach. Princesses hop off all parts of the mammal before its legs begin to smooth back into fins and it slides back into the sea. As I reorient to my surroundings, I realize I am back in my neighborhood and it is daylight. I hear one last echo from the moon: MISERY A true mammal always comes back to the sea.
5.
GIRL great. Great stone stone brick, great modular classroom. Great car. A darker. metal black car. Ki metal key wooden door. cat house. Cat cat, cat home bags. End.

about

Princess Tears, Volume One is a single unedited phone recording of a walk that I took. During the walk, I was inducted into an order of princesses, keeping the earth alive through a daily offering of tears. I learned that the collective sadness of these princesses powers the moon, which is also the sun.

All misery comes from the same moon. And that moon is also a sun.


This work was originally made for the 16-channel CLEAT system at Elastic Arts.

elasticarts.org/events/cleat-series-michael-schumacher-hedra-rowan


Here is the full-text of the piece with hyperlinks to google maps locations it mentions: princess-tears.herokuapp.com


things i used to make this include : max/msp, orca, alterego, reaper, ableton

credits

released April 1, 2022

featuring the snore of Comrade Sickle Beans and the meow of Blade.

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BODYMILK TAPES Chicago, Illinois

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