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worse than the door

by Hedra Rowan

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1.
slide 06:30
2.
slime 03:13
what if it wasnt a dream ? cleaning my clock hoisting it up for all for see i am a puddle of goo search me for solid parts i believe im all melted thru but admitting is the first step im dumber than ive ever been isnt that something ? watching the clock til its time dripping on stairs as we climb ill have to drink from the puck licking a salty pond frozen shut what if it happened to you ? tomorrow has come you ooze in the sun but admitting is the first step eyes red from your crying head i swam out further watching the clock til its time pretending these clothes arent mine slime
3.
skylark 02:06
4.
blood lips 03:39
what can you say to put out a fire ? or does silence do the trick what comes out of this mouth can never never go back in "but youve changed i dont binge drink for fun anymore" blood lips , do you recognize me ? living in the left lane speed away from all the pain thanks for the silk sorry for the kiss i never meant to slip around on these wrists when im empty its hard to exist "oh my, how youve changed i dont make friends with boys anymore" blood lips, do you recognize me ? closing every door in front of you i never meant to can you ever forgive me now that the city has my heart ?
5.
meds song 03:09
i would like to feel the worst things completely just once in a while dont hold me back, i gotta see this i dont want to waste another pure moment by tamping it down cuz i got hit by a door and didnt feel all the blood trickle down i wonder maybe its worse than the door i would like to know a lot more than i know but more so i want to ease into that unknowing wanna wiggle in the wild space between calm and screaming out loud cuz i can look in your face and plan the crying a day in advance but i cant let it be known in the moment you are what you are and im too
6.
7.
8.
stew song 03:39
why do you say the things you say the way you say them ive wracked my brain and cant conceive a crueler question sometimes i think no one gets me no one on this boat at all can see me for who i am why do we have to shine so bright to make out the light in the fog i think my eyes are getting worse i think my mind is failing me cant you see that the way we go round we always lose ive put my time in folding cleaning rooms that i dont sleep in all for the stupid dream to finally have the chance to meet him makes you hate what you believed in oceans and what lies beneath them there i could find something why do we have to burn through our light to retain our sight in the fog i think the compasses are dead i cannot see whats right ahead are these waters so cold that they’ll swallow me whole or will i die before loving a soul

about

this is an album of songs. i wrote most of them, but some of them i didnt, namely skylark (hoagy carmichael) , u dont love me when i cry (laura nyro), and the night we called it a day (matt dennis) .

the cover is a Hungarian acrobatic troupe from the early 1970s.

credits

released May 3, 2024

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BODYMILK TAPES Chicago, Illinois

cassette label from chicago il


***no more synth bros
bait the straights
aspire to shred***

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