Princesses

We, who play at the same speeds as the ones fashioned before us,

Who walk through doors and become them,

Who sweep through halls assuming their same shadows,

And burst with the same magic from our fingertips ,


We, offer you the burden of our great sorrow

Humbly guarded here for generations 3

Or four, and by whose weight we have anchored our people


The compounded longings, melancholies, blights, and drooping crests,

Chiseled by years of enduring insupportable acts from every odd angle,

Hardened to one great callus

And expanded by the corresponding briny tears

Composes our moon, lighting the way for hand holders during the dark hours

The same sphere, during the day, is our sun,

For what are the moon and the sun but the same creature in a different light ?



That incandescent pink ball, the sorceress of our weather, perched in our sky, we call Misery

And she is the mother of us all

Without her we would surely whither and meet grim death.

She is now unwell, poised to become so grim within that the bonds grown centuries ago may break.

We are but new borns not yet weaned from the Misery’s tit and her milk grows stale


But to you we must seem giant beings, ancient in concept, and profound beyond belief

Why visit you with such grand ideas, notions, and perils ?

Why invest in one such as you the great power of Misery to aid in her restoration or at least maintenance ?

Why have we, as you put “chosen” you for this great honor ?


You must think you have some outstanding quality that makes you valuable to us ?

Something special that attracts our attention and need,

Some prophesied fate as our savior ?


Please, do not entertain such notions. We did not chose you, you were simply here.

You see, our situation is dire. We would beg assistance of any stranger and in fact, we do

You are neither first nor last of our solicitations

Most refuse, but most are unable to conceive of the maintenance of suffering as a worthy task


But such work does a princess make

So before you make hasty exit, which we tally as a negative response,

Please consider what grandeur you may be immersed in if you stay and help

Girl
Um that sounds great, but I’m too like obsessed with my own sadness to like take on anybody else’s. Plunging into other people’s sadness would not be good for me.

Princesses

All misery comes from the same moon.

Which is also a sun.

Add your gloom to ours and find strength in commiseration.


GIRL

Uhh.. I’m not really sure about this. If I spend too much time around people who are really sad, then I start to take on the sadness and then it makes me a worse person to be around. I’m just one of those people who like soaks up everybody else’s feelings and it gets really hard you know?


Princesses

That’s not a real type of person. You have to deal with all of it.

Girl
Um, okay. So, what do I have to do for this to be real ?


Princesses

Every princess is a journeyer of circadian character

They make pilgrimage each day to one of several Pools of Lugubriousness, despondent ponds

and weep until they have fulfilled the secular covenant between moon and mortal

Girl

How many tears does it take ?

Princesses

the stability of our harsh mistress’s orbit depends on quality more than quantity

and thus on time more than tears counted

all that’s asked of a princess is that they whimper salty odes for 400 minutes diurnally


Girl

That seems like a really long time to do literally anything

But this seems durational, or something.



Princesses

You are participating in the salvation of your species. Of course it is durational.


Girl
Oh, okay.

Princesses
You will need to commit to princess tears

You must cultivate adequate ducts for draining precious flowage

And keep strictly to a high sodium diet for tear potency

The more fully you give your grief to our collection, the more brightly our moon Misery can shine, and when she is our sun she may also shine, feeding and keeping alive our great planet and its inhabitants.

And so it has always been.

The well adjusted are too blinded by plumage to appreciate what keeps them alive

and for just how long this has been so

as long as we have known.


Girl

I don’t want to do this just because it’s like redemptive or something.


Princesses

You will not be redeemed in any way from this venture.

In fact, you may find yourself a more devout observer of the Great Wallow.

As your contemporaries might evaluate our proposal, we see no benefit to you

But you seem… interested.


Girl
It does seem like something I would do I though?


Princesses
The realist in us feels obliged to mention this commitment could easily derail any attempt at maintaining a healthy routine with respect to other obligations, necessities or desires

Do you understand that 400 minutes is roughly 7 hours?

Girl
Easy. I feel like I would excel in this position.

Princesses
Time passes. Our sun Misery hits the gnomen at later angles yet

You must begin post-haste or fear losing daylight

Girl
Where am I going

Princesses
Fortunately, we have many Pools of Lugubriousness conveniently located throughout your neighborhood. None travel far to fill up her jar, we say.

We are locating the closest pool now

It appears there is a location close by the way at the intersection of N Francisco Avenue and Thomas St, in Parking Lot 9 of what was once the Norwegian American Hospital

There you will find a puddle

Look closely for the right one, but once you have it, let flow your tears for 400 minutes so that they may add themselves to the pool.

Princesses

Oh, there is one more thing.


Girl
Um… okay what is it ?


Princesses

You must change… into your princess form.

Girl
My princess form—